Loss expert shares insights

In the extremely tough times that we’ve all been living in over the last 18 months, so many of us have experienced loss. Whether that’s a bereavement, financial loss, or severely reduced social contact – or a mix of all three.

We caught up with Dipti Solanki – a qualified homeopath, grief coach and life coach – as we know many of our PEGS parents are feeling the impact of these losses. Here’s what she had to say:

Can you tell us a little bit about what you do?

“I’m a grief and emotional recovery coach, so I help people to look at the type of loss they are suffering from, begin understanding the impact, and start taking very practical steps to help them heal. We tend to think of loss as bereavement but the term covers all sorts of loss.

“Often, we don’t have the information we need to deal with a loss, which can reduce our ability to heal. When healing doesn’t happen, it can lead to so many physical and emotional symptoms including anxiety and depression.

“We are often told to ‘be strong’ and essentially act as if something hasn’t happened. But loss has such a big impact, and it’s important to talk about what’s happened. I have a very structured, well-defined process to go through with the adults and children I work with, so it’s not overwhelming for them and they know the next steps within the process.”

How can we support children who’ve experienced a loss?

“Talking to children is very important, and so too is showing them the emotions that you’re feeling. Most children will say they’ve got a tummy ache if they feel anxious, because they don’t know how to articulate their feelings. As adults, we need to help them understand what an emotion is and let them know it’s okay to be sad and be in touch with their emotions. If we don’t talk about it, that’s the point at which things can escalate.”

What have you seen happening during the pandemic?

“We have all experienced collective losses: our freedom of movement, being able to see each other socially, loss of income, divorces and separations, and loss of communication. For some of us, there’s been a loss of hope. And of course, there has been so much bereavement; not being able to be with loved ones, not having the chance to say goodbye, and having a very different grieving process has been extremely hard. We have had to grieve in very artificial ways and in isolation from each other.”

What’s the biggest misconception about loss?

“The biggest lie we are told is that time heals. Grief is a very physical thing, and grief and shock can sit in the system for decades.

“We also feel we have to keep things ‘normal’ in the home when a loss or something like a separation has taken place. We just keep going and often don’t acknowledge our true feelings – but that emotional honesty with everyone in the household including children is so powerful, as is discussing how everyone feels.”

What advice would you give people about managing their emotions now restrictions have been lifted?

“Everyone has different pressures and different feelings – which can end up in a pressure cooker situation where people are feeling unsafe. In all of this, we need to manage our emotions and juggle expressing our feelings and keeping ourselves safe.

“We all need compassion and understanding because everyone feels differently about the restrictions being lifted.”

Thank you to Dipti for her valuable insight into loss. If you’d like to find out more about her work, simply visit https://diptisolanki.com/.

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August Spotlight: Verbal Abuse

By PEGS Admin • August 19, 2025

When Words Hurt – Facing Verbal Abuse from Your Child There are few things more emotionally painful than hearing cruel, dismissive or demeaning words from your own child. Whether they’re still under your roof or are well into adulthood, being spoken to in a verbally abusive way by the very person you raised with love and care can leave parents feeling confused, heartbroken and alone. It's not something we often talk about openly. Parents may fear being judged or blamed or they may question whether their experience is even valid. But verbal abuse from a child whether they’re 14 or 40 - is real and it matters. If you’ve found yourself on the receiving end of shouting, insults, blame or emotional manipulation from your child, this space is for you. You are not alone. Verbal abuse can take many forms and not all of them are loud or obvious. Some common examples include: Repeated criticism or personal attacks Name-calling, sarcasm or mockery Shouting or aggressive tone Gaslighting or manipulation (“You’re imagining it” / “You always make it about you”) Blame-shifting and emotional guilt trips Intimidating silence or threats These behaviours, especially when ongoing, can leave emotional bruises that are hard to explain to others or even to ourselves. For many parents, the verbal abuse doesn’t start all at once. It might begin as eye-rolling, snide remarks or even sudden mood swings. But over time, those moments become more frequent, more intense, more targeted. The home no longer feels like a place of peace. Interactions start to feel unsafe. “She speaks to me like I’m her enemy. I raised her with love, but now I feel like nothing I do is ever right in her eyes” -Mum to a 17-year-old daughter “I dread phone calls from my adult son. He rings only to shout and unload on me. I hang up shaking every single time” -Dad of a 33-year-old son “My teenager calls me names I wouldn't repeat in front of anyone. It’s like living with someone who hates me,I feel ashamed saying that” - Parent of a 15-year-old “I never thought I’d have to protect myself emotionally from my own child. But here I am trying to keep my boundaries and stay sane” - Mum to a 28-year-old daughter These words reflect a growing reality for many families... a reality that often gets hidden behind closed doors. When verbal abuse comes from a stranger it’s unpleasant. When it comes from your own child , the one you’ve fed, cared for, worried over, and loved unconditionally - it can feel like a betrayal. Parents often experience a mix of emotions: Shock and disbelief – “How did it get to this?” Shame – “Am I the only one dealing with this?” Guilt – “What did I do wrong?” Fear or anxiety – Dreading the next conversation or interaction Loneliness – Feeling unable to share the experience without judgement You may also feel torn between wanting to keep the connection and needing to protect your emotional wellbeing. It’s often assumed that once children reach adulthood, their relationship with their parents will naturally shift into one of mutual respect. But this isn’t always the case. Some adult children continue (or begin) to speak to their parents in ways that are controlling, hurtful or emotionally volatile. These interactions may be laced with some kind of resentment, blame for past decisions or expectations of endless emotional or financial support. In these situations, many parents struggle with a sense of powerlessness. After all, you can’t “ground” a 30-year-old. But your emotional safety still matters and it’s okay to acknowledge when something isn’t right. You can love your child deeply and still feel the pain of being treated unkindly. You can want healing and still need space. You can seek support without shame. Even in the face of verbal abuse, your worth as a parent does not diminish. You are still deserving of respect, of peace and of a life where you’re not walking on eggshells in your own home or heart. If your child is speaking to you in ways that hurt. If you feel exhausted, blamed or disrespected, you are not overreacting. If you find yourself dreading their calls or presence, you are not alone. You can love your child and still take care of yourself. You are worthy of respect. You are allowed to feel safe. And you are not alone.