June Spotlight: Financial Abuse

When we talk about child-to-parent abuse (CPA), most people think of shouting, threats and physical assaults. But there’s many forms of abuse that often go unseen.

We have heard over the past five years from thousands of parents, carers and guardians who are experiencing financial abuse from their child and many may not even know they are experiencing this form of abuse. Our recent findings on a report on child to parent abuse revealed that 82% of parental figures are being financially controlled in some way from their child. With also adding the 69% Being stolen from.

What do we mean by financial abuse ?

Financial abuse in CPA, is when a child regardless of their age ,uses money as a tool of control, manipulation, or harm against a parental figure. This can take many forms, including:

Demanding or stealing money from a parent or guardian
Using threats or emotional blackmail to get access to money
Running up bills in a parent’s name, or taking loans without consent
Refusing to contribute financially as an adult child, while using intimidation to stay in the home
Sabotaging a parent’s job or income, making them financially dependent

Parents often describe feeling trapped and caught between the fear of their child’s reaction if they do not comply with their child demands, or they will preempt being asked for money so they will send their child money first to avoid any incident, this is financial coercion and control and is never okay.

Financial abuse carries a unique shame. Unlike physical abuse, there are often no visible signs. Parents may feel embarrassed, blaming themselves for “failing” to control the situation or how they fear they or someone else they love and care about would be hurt in some way if they do not hand over money, access to bank accounts or savings some parents tell us how they do not want to get their child into trouble. This can leave parental figures further isolated and at risk.

Parents have told us how they:

Have had their bank accounts emptied by their child
Are too afraid to confront their child about missing money
Have lost their jobs due to financial manipulation and control
Feel intense guilt for trying to set financial boundaries

Have found themselves in debt due to experiencing financial control from their child

Have had online accounts such as shopping, catalogues, computer games, created in their name and attached to their bank account or credit cards

Have been forced or coerced to buy drugs or alcohol for their child

It can be really difficult to identify financial abuse from a child towards a parent. Some signs that financial abuse could be occurring can include:

Missing personal possessions.

Unexplained lack of money or inability to maintain lifestyle.

Unexplained withdrawal of funds from accounts.

Adding a child to their bank accounts , giving them access to their money including savings

Accounts being created your name without your knowledge or consent

Debt collectors turning up or letters being sent for a debt you have no knowledge of but is in your name

Power of attorney or lasting power of attorney (LPA) being obtained after the person has ceased to have mental capacity.

There are some fantastic and specialist organisations alongside PEGS who can help support you if you are experiencing financial abuse:

1. Surviving Economic Abuse (SEA) / Money Advice Plus Financial Support Line

Specialist helpline for victims of domestic and economic abuse.

Calls are free (0808 196 8845, Mon–Fri 9 am–1 pm & 2–5 pm) theguardian.com+6survivingeconomicabuse.org+6survivingeconomicabuse.org+6.

2. Money Advice Plus

Offers free, confidential debt and benefits advice, including targeted case support moneytothemasses.com+9survivingeconomicabuse.org+9moneyadviceplus.org.uk+9.

3. StepChange Debt Charity

Unlimited, free debt advice via phone (0800 138 1111) and online tools england.nhs.uk+8stepchange.org+8moneytothemasses.com+8.

4. Citizens Advice

Free advice on debt, benefits, housing, employment, and more via phone, webchat, or in‑person at local branches england.nhs.uk+15which.co.uk+15en.wikipedia.org+15.

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August Spotlight: Verbal Abuse

By PEGS Admin • August 19, 2025

When Words Hurt – Facing Verbal Abuse from Your Child There are few things more emotionally painful than hearing cruel, dismissive or demeaning words from your own child. Whether they’re still under your roof or are well into adulthood, being spoken to in a verbally abusive way by the very person you raised with love and care can leave parents feeling confused, heartbroken and alone. It's not something we often talk about openly. Parents may fear being judged or blamed or they may question whether their experience is even valid. But verbal abuse from a child whether they’re 14 or 40 - is real and it matters. If you’ve found yourself on the receiving end of shouting, insults, blame or emotional manipulation from your child, this space is for you. You are not alone. Verbal abuse can take many forms and not all of them are loud or obvious. Some common examples include: Repeated criticism or personal attacks Name-calling, sarcasm or mockery Shouting or aggressive tone Gaslighting or manipulation (“You’re imagining it” / “You always make it about you”) Blame-shifting and emotional guilt trips Intimidating silence or threats These behaviours, especially when ongoing, can leave emotional bruises that are hard to explain to others or even to ourselves. For many parents, the verbal abuse doesn’t start all at once. It might begin as eye-rolling, snide remarks or even sudden mood swings. But over time, those moments become more frequent, more intense, more targeted. The home no longer feels like a place of peace. Interactions start to feel unsafe. “She speaks to me like I’m her enemy. I raised her with love, but now I feel like nothing I do is ever right in her eyes” -Mum to a 17-year-old daughter “I dread phone calls from my adult son. He rings only to shout and unload on me. I hang up shaking every single time” -Dad of a 33-year-old son “My teenager calls me names I wouldn't repeat in front of anyone. It’s like living with someone who hates me,I feel ashamed saying that” - Parent of a 15-year-old “I never thought I’d have to protect myself emotionally from my own child. But here I am trying to keep my boundaries and stay sane” - Mum to a 28-year-old daughter These words reflect a growing reality for many families... a reality that often gets hidden behind closed doors. When verbal abuse comes from a stranger it’s unpleasant. When it comes from your own child , the one you’ve fed, cared for, worried over, and loved unconditionally - it can feel like a betrayal. Parents often experience a mix of emotions: Shock and disbelief – “How did it get to this?” Shame – “Am I the only one dealing with this?” Guilt – “What did I do wrong?” Fear or anxiety – Dreading the next conversation or interaction Loneliness – Feeling unable to share the experience without judgement You may also feel torn between wanting to keep the connection and needing to protect your emotional wellbeing. It’s often assumed that once children reach adulthood, their relationship with their parents will naturally shift into one of mutual respect. But this isn’t always the case. Some adult children continue (or begin) to speak to their parents in ways that are controlling, hurtful or emotionally volatile. These interactions may be laced with some kind of resentment, blame for past decisions or expectations of endless emotional or financial support. In these situations, many parents struggle with a sense of powerlessness. After all, you can’t “ground” a 30-year-old. But your emotional safety still matters and it’s okay to acknowledge when something isn’t right. You can love your child deeply and still feel the pain of being treated unkindly. You can want healing and still need space. You can seek support without shame. Even in the face of verbal abuse, your worth as a parent does not diminish. You are still deserving of respect, of peace and of a life where you’re not walking on eggshells in your own home or heart. If your child is speaking to you in ways that hurt. If you feel exhausted, blamed or disrespected, you are not overreacting. If you find yourself dreading their calls or presence, you are not alone. You can love your child and still take care of yourself. You are worthy of respect. You are allowed to feel safe. And you are not alone.