CPA parent survey findings revealed

Helpless. Frustrated. Isolated.

Those are the three most common emotions reported by parents experiencing a little-known form of domestic abuse as part of a survey released this month (November).

And it’s little wonder, as two thirds feel they weren’t supported well by the professionals they approached for support.

Some of the findings were exclusively revealed by Channel 5 News on Monday 8th November, and now we are releasing the full survey.

More than 220 parents, carers and guardians responded to questions revealing the physical, financial, emotional and even sexual abuse they were experiencing; some of the impacts of the abuse; where they’d sought professional support; and the age of the child displaying the behaviours.

The results showed:

· 80% of parents were being hit, kicked or strangled by their child

· 17% had experienced sexualised behaviour from their child

· Of those being verbally abused, this happens on a daily basis for 70% of parents

· 29% of children were also targeting pets or animals, and the majority of those with siblings were targeting them too – mainly through verbal abuse, hitting/kicking, threatening and intimidation

· 95% said they felt helpless, 90% felt frustrated, and 84% isolated

· Well over half had called the police at least once due to their child’s behaviour, and a third of those had called at least five times.

· A quarter of children were aged five or below when the behaviours began, and almost one in ten began displaying abusive or violent behaviours before their teenage years (12 or under).

· 22% of working parents had to leave their job altogether, and an additional 48% had reduced their hours as a direct result of CPA.

· Almost nine in ten parents only have one child who displays abusive behaviours.

Our Founding Director Michelle John said: “Child to Parent Abuse has been largely under-funded and under-researched over the years. Thankfully we are starting to uncover the extent to the issue through the researchers, professionals and campaigners dedicated to highlighting CPA; and we need to continue to do all we can to ensure that the issue is recognised and understood at a regional, national and international level.

“By releasing the data from this survey, we hope to support the furthering of knowledge which is so desperately needed to ensure that the prevalence and impact of CPA becomes more widely known.

“Reading the responses of the parents is hugely impactful – and while the trends and themes shown by the data is useful, we mustn’t forget that behind these statistics are heartbroken parents doing all they can to keep themselves and their families safe, still loving their child but desperately wishing that they weren’t dealing with these abusive and violent behaviours.”

Download Survey Results Here

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August Spotlight: Verbal Abuse

By PEGS Admin • August 19, 2025

When Words Hurt – Facing Verbal Abuse from Your Child There are few things more emotionally painful than hearing cruel, dismissive or demeaning words from your own child. Whether they’re still under your roof or are well into adulthood, being spoken to in a verbally abusive way by the very person you raised with love and care can leave parents feeling confused, heartbroken and alone. It's not something we often talk about openly. Parents may fear being judged or blamed or they may question whether their experience is even valid. But verbal abuse from a child whether they’re 14 or 40 - is real and it matters. If you’ve found yourself on the receiving end of shouting, insults, blame or emotional manipulation from your child, this space is for you. You are not alone. Verbal abuse can take many forms and not all of them are loud or obvious. Some common examples include: Repeated criticism or personal attacks Name-calling, sarcasm or mockery Shouting or aggressive tone Gaslighting or manipulation (“You’re imagining it” / “You always make it about you”) Blame-shifting and emotional guilt trips Intimidating silence or threats These behaviours, especially when ongoing, can leave emotional bruises that are hard to explain to others or even to ourselves. For many parents, the verbal abuse doesn’t start all at once. It might begin as eye-rolling, snide remarks or even sudden mood swings. But over time, those moments become more frequent, more intense, more targeted. The home no longer feels like a place of peace. Interactions start to feel unsafe. “She speaks to me like I’m her enemy. I raised her with love, but now I feel like nothing I do is ever right in her eyes” -Mum to a 17-year-old daughter “I dread phone calls from my adult son. He rings only to shout and unload on me. I hang up shaking every single time” -Dad of a 33-year-old son “My teenager calls me names I wouldn't repeat in front of anyone. It’s like living with someone who hates me,I feel ashamed saying that” - Parent of a 15-year-old “I never thought I’d have to protect myself emotionally from my own child. But here I am trying to keep my boundaries and stay sane” - Mum to a 28-year-old daughter These words reflect a growing reality for many families... a reality that often gets hidden behind closed doors. When verbal abuse comes from a stranger it’s unpleasant. When it comes from your own child , the one you’ve fed, cared for, worried over, and loved unconditionally - it can feel like a betrayal. Parents often experience a mix of emotions: Shock and disbelief – “How did it get to this?” Shame – “Am I the only one dealing with this?” Guilt – “What did I do wrong?” Fear or anxiety – Dreading the next conversation or interaction Loneliness – Feeling unable to share the experience without judgement You may also feel torn between wanting to keep the connection and needing to protect your emotional wellbeing. It’s often assumed that once children reach adulthood, their relationship with their parents will naturally shift into one of mutual respect. But this isn’t always the case. Some adult children continue (or begin) to speak to their parents in ways that are controlling, hurtful or emotionally volatile. These interactions may be laced with some kind of resentment, blame for past decisions or expectations of endless emotional or financial support. In these situations, many parents struggle with a sense of powerlessness. After all, you can’t “ground” a 30-year-old. But your emotional safety still matters and it’s okay to acknowledge when something isn’t right. You can love your child deeply and still feel the pain of being treated unkindly. You can want healing and still need space. You can seek support without shame. Even in the face of verbal abuse, your worth as a parent does not diminish. You are still deserving of respect, of peace and of a life where you’re not walking on eggshells in your own home or heart. If your child is speaking to you in ways that hurt. If you feel exhausted, blamed or disrespected, you are not overreacting. If you find yourself dreading their calls or presence, you are not alone. You can love your child and still take care of yourself. You are worthy of respect. You are allowed to feel safe. And you are not alone.