CPA or Challenging Behaviour?

Sam Brown • Aug 23, 2023

CPA or Challenging Behaviour? The differences and similarities

Child to Parent Abuse (CPA) is a form of domestic abuse that unfortunately isn’t always given the attention it needs. Forms of abuse such as intimate partner abuse and parent to child abuse tend to be focused on far more seriously than CPA. This then leads to misconceptions and a general lack of understanding regarding what CPA is. It is important to note that knowledge of this particular type of abuse is in its infancy. This makes it difficult for many people to pinpoint the difference between CPA and the typical challenging behaviours that most children are expected to display at some point in time. It is also important to note that there are various issues that a child could be going through that add further complexity when it comes to being a parent.

CPA comes in an array of different forms; verbal, physical, emotional, financial, coercion & control, digital and sexual. When offering support to parents and caregivers, we look at a variety of factors, such as the frequency and intensity of incidents.

97% of the parents we support tell us that they have had to change their routine and lifestyles to reduce the risk of abusive behaviour occurring. Parents feel like they are walking on eggshells around their child, living in constant fear of an incident of abuse occurring. CPA leads to parents feeling isolated from loved ones.

Of the working parents we support, 74% have been forced to either leave work or reduce their hours. Parents can be subjected to daily or weekly physical attacks, intimidation and verbal abuse. This often leads to multiple calls for help to both the police and professionals who work within the family sector.

We understand that a child’s challenging behaviour can be very difficult and often unpleasant for a parent to deal with. However, it is pivotal that we don’t confuse CPA with challenging behaviour that is often common in children and adolescents.

If you are a parent or caregiver who is struggling as a result of your child’s challenging behaviour, there are a variety of services out there who can provide you with the necessary support. We do all that we can to help parents, but only ones who are strictly experiencing abuse from their child, not challenging behaviour.

Below is a diagram with some examples of abusive behaviour, challenging behaviour and behaviour that could be abusive OR challenging depending on the particular circumstance. It is important to note that this diagram isn’t exhaustive, this is a very light touch overview of the difference between what we consider challenging and abusive. We hope that this has provided you with an overview of the key differences between the two types of behaviour, and encourage you to get in touch with us if there is any further information you require.

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Grandparents can be abused too.

By Amanda Warburton-Wynn • 03 May, 2024

'Oh, we love having the grandchildren, especially because we can give them back!' How many times have you heard that? But have you heard 'We dread our grandchild coming to visit, we never feel safe until they've gone home'? Child to Parent Abuse is increasingly a topic of research but there is currently no formal definition and, if the consultation carried out by the Home Office in 2023 results in one, it's likely that grandparents won't get a mention in the main title. Of course, the age of grandparents can vary hugely but for those in the older age groups abuse from a child can be hard to understand and even harder to speak about. Whilst in many cases abusive behaviours are not linked to a health or mental health issue, some of the diagnoses involved in some cases of child to parent abuse weren't known until fairly recent times – ADHD was first recognised when mentioned in a National Institution of Clinical Excellence (NICE) report in 2000! Children who we now categorise as being victims of abuse and trauma were often just seen as 'naughty' back in the day and their behaviour needed to be dealt with by punishment. It's essential that we now recognise when children are asking for help – even if that is demonstrated by negative behaviours – but the impact of these behaviours on the whole family needs to be considered. Information Now say that In the past two generations, the number of children being cared for by their grandparents has increased substantially from 33% to 82% - almost two-thirds of all grandparents regularly look after their grandchildren. The UK Government add that 41% of mothers are working full time so it's clear that grandparents are spending more time with their grandchildren than ever before. There are myriad reasons for this including the changing demographics of an ageing population where many grandparents are now more physically active so spending time with grandparents can be more fulfilling than in the past (anyone else remember sitting in silence listening to the adults talk and drink team and hoping it would be time to go home soon?) But for all those positives, abuse of older people is a negative that's featuring more and more in research and in the news. Whilst several studies on both domestic abuse and elder abuse victimisation have reported that adult sons or grandsons, and a smaller proportion of adult daughters or granddaughters, are perpetrators in around half of all abuse against older adults (see Bows et al . 2022), there is little research into abuse by grandchildren who are aged under 18. One reason for this is likely to be the reluctance, by family members, professionals and society as a whole, to label children as 'perpetrators' or 'abusers Parents experiencing abuse from children have told PEGS that the abuse most commonly starts before the age of six and often continues post the child turning 18. It is probable that some children who display abusive behaviours towards parents will also abuse their grandparents but it's possible that some children abuse grandparents only. What is pretty much definite is that grandparents will feel the same emotions as parents if a child is abusing them – shame, guilt, worry about consequences of speaking out and concerned about causing problems within the family, especially if they appear to be the only targets of the abuse. It's also common to look for a reason for the abuse, something that has happened to the child perhaps or something that the grandparent has/hasn't done and to try to rationalise the abuse. As well as more research, there needs to be more recognition from organisations working with older people – statutory and voluntary – that Child to Parent Abuse can and does include children abusing grandparents and those grandparents need support. Abuse from a child is often no less dangerous than abuse from an adult so it shouldn't be laughed off or seen as grandparents not having enough 'control' over their grandchildren. More awareness of the issue, more open discussions and acknowledgement of the impact of this type of abuse will hopefully lead to appropriate support for grandparents who come forward to ask for help, and more of them doing so. Amanda Warburton-Wynn is an independent researcher and consultant specialising in support for domestic abuse and sexual violence survivors with disabilities and older people. You can find out more about Amanda and her work on her website www.awdaconsultancy.com