16 Days of Activism - Day 8

At the beginning of last year’s 16 Days of Activism Against Gender-Based Violence, the ONS published the first data on victims of domestic abuse of all ages, having removed the upper age limit of 74 years. Sadly, this data showed that 1 in 30 people aged 60 to 74 and approximately 1 in 50 people aged 75+ have been subjected to domestic abuse in the previous year. We know with limited data this is likely to be an underrepresentation of the actual scale of the problem.

At Age UK, year on year, we are hearing from increasing numbers of older people telling us they are being subjected to domestic abuse.

Like younger people, for older people this may be physical, sexual, emotional, or economic, or a combination of all. Those who harm, will use a range of behaviours to exert power and control. But there are also some important age-related differences that specifically affect victim-survivors as they age.

For example, older people are just as likely to be abused by an adult child or grandchild as they are a spouse or partner. Many older people subjected to abuse have a health condition or disability, which may mean they rely on the person harming them, for care and support.

Older people may face several barriers to seeking and accessing support. This can be due to a range of factors, including a lack of awareness among health and social care professionals. Tools used by professionals to assess risk of domestic abuse are often aimed at younger women and intimate partner abuse, and don’t consider the specific risk factors affecting older people and adult-child to parent abuse.

Older people with disabilities, or those from LGBTQ+ and ethnic minority backgrounds, may face further barriers due to a lack of appropriate services, community barriers, discrimination, or a reliance on carers. And the cost of living crisis may leave older people more isolated and make it more difficult to leave where they share a home, with the person harming them.

Older mothers specifically may have internalised victim blaming language, feeling a sense of shame, wishing to protect their family members.

Age UK signposts to a range of specialist domestic abuse services including PEGS on their dedicated Age UK Domestic Abuse Page

Age UK has also joined Employers Initiative on Domestic Abuse (EIDA), a network of employers committed to supporting their employees who are or have been subjected to domestic abuse. At Age UK we have created a culture where employees are able to access domestic abuse awareness training, specialist information, and use their work equipment to empower them to find support safely. If our employees have increased awareness for themselves and each other, this will enable them to recognise the signs and support the older people Age UK is here for.

Our safeguarding team’s domestic abuse lead speaks at conferences and events, amplifying the voices of older victim-survivors of domestic abuse, ensuring that child to parent abuse is included in the conversation.

This work educates professionals who work with older people to recognise the subtle signs that an older person may be subjected to domestic abuse, and empowers them to confidently reach in and ask appropriate, sensitive questions.

Carrie Bower - Domestic Abuse Lead

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August Spotlight: Verbal Abuse

By PEGS Admin • August 19, 2025

When Words Hurt – Facing Verbal Abuse from Your Child There are few things more emotionally painful than hearing cruel, dismissive or demeaning words from your own child. Whether they’re still under your roof or are well into adulthood, being spoken to in a verbally abusive way by the very person you raised with love and care can leave parents feeling confused, heartbroken and alone. It's not something we often talk about openly. Parents may fear being judged or blamed or they may question whether their experience is even valid. But verbal abuse from a child whether they’re 14 or 40 - is real and it matters. If you’ve found yourself on the receiving end of shouting, insults, blame or emotional manipulation from your child, this space is for you. You are not alone. Verbal abuse can take many forms and not all of them are loud or obvious. Some common examples include: Repeated criticism or personal attacks Name-calling, sarcasm or mockery Shouting or aggressive tone Gaslighting or manipulation (“You’re imagining it” / “You always make it about you”) Blame-shifting and emotional guilt trips Intimidating silence or threats These behaviours, especially when ongoing, can leave emotional bruises that are hard to explain to others or even to ourselves. For many parents, the verbal abuse doesn’t start all at once. It might begin as eye-rolling, snide remarks or even sudden mood swings. But over time, those moments become more frequent, more intense, more targeted. The home no longer feels like a place of peace. Interactions start to feel unsafe. “She speaks to me like I’m her enemy. I raised her with love, but now I feel like nothing I do is ever right in her eyes” -Mum to a 17-year-old daughter “I dread phone calls from my adult son. He rings only to shout and unload on me. I hang up shaking every single time” -Dad of a 33-year-old son “My teenager calls me names I wouldn't repeat in front of anyone. It’s like living with someone who hates me,I feel ashamed saying that” - Parent of a 15-year-old “I never thought I’d have to protect myself emotionally from my own child. But here I am trying to keep my boundaries and stay sane” - Mum to a 28-year-old daughter These words reflect a growing reality for many families... a reality that often gets hidden behind closed doors. When verbal abuse comes from a stranger it’s unpleasant. When it comes from your own child , the one you’ve fed, cared for, worried over, and loved unconditionally - it can feel like a betrayal. Parents often experience a mix of emotions: Shock and disbelief – “How did it get to this?” Shame – “Am I the only one dealing with this?” Guilt – “What did I do wrong?” Fear or anxiety – Dreading the next conversation or interaction Loneliness – Feeling unable to share the experience without judgement You may also feel torn between wanting to keep the connection and needing to protect your emotional wellbeing. It’s often assumed that once children reach adulthood, their relationship with their parents will naturally shift into one of mutual respect. But this isn’t always the case. Some adult children continue (or begin) to speak to their parents in ways that are controlling, hurtful or emotionally volatile. These interactions may be laced with some kind of resentment, blame for past decisions or expectations of endless emotional or financial support. In these situations, many parents struggle with a sense of powerlessness. After all, you can’t “ground” a 30-year-old. But your emotional safety still matters and it’s okay to acknowledge when something isn’t right. You can love your child deeply and still feel the pain of being treated unkindly. You can want healing and still need space. You can seek support without shame. Even in the face of verbal abuse, your worth as a parent does not diminish. You are still deserving of respect, of peace and of a life where you’re not walking on eggshells in your own home or heart. If your child is speaking to you in ways that hurt. If you feel exhausted, blamed or disrespected, you are not overreacting. If you find yourself dreading their calls or presence, you are not alone. You can love your child and still take care of yourself. You are worthy of respect. You are allowed to feel safe. And you are not alone.