Parents name proactive PC and fantastic friend as their CPA Heroes

PEGS Admin • Feb 17, 2023

A supportive police officer and a caring friend have been named CPA Heroes for going above and beyond to support parents in need.

We asked for nominations for the awards – which could be a professional the family had come into contact with or a friend, neighbour or colleague.

The only criteria was that the person had to have made a difference to someone who was experiencing Child to Parent Abuse, which impacts upwards of 3% of UK households but remains a fairly hidden form of domestic abuse.

The winners can now be revealed as PC Megan Smith from North Yorkshire Police Force and Kerry Smith from Darlington.

Michelle John, Founding Director of PEGS, said: “The idea behind the awards was to acknowledge the amazing people out there who are going above and beyond to support parents impacted by CPA. This could either be within a personal capacity as a neighbour, friend or family member, or as a professional who’d come into contact with that parent in the course of their work.

“The nominations were truly heart-warming and inspiring, and showed just how much of a difference having a ‘CPA Hero’ in their life can make to parents going through such an extremely difficult time.

“We are so thrilled to announce Megan and Kerry as our very first CPA Heroes. They’re extremely worthy winners, as their nominations show, and we hope they are incredibly proud of the difference they have made in the lives of those who nominated them.”

The parent who nominated PC Smith said: “Megan has been extremely supportive: after many months of fighting for support for my son, numerous meetings with professionals and extensive waiting lists, I was feeling completely let down. My mental health was affected and I could not see any light at the end of the tunnel.

“One night, the police were called due to one of my son’s violent meltdowns. Megan and her colleague attended, they took the time to speak to me, my son and also my daughter. There are then, Megan gave me her word she would try her utmost to get more support in place for me and my family.

“The proactive, supportive and empathetic approach she has shown is absolutely incredible and beyond words. Multi-agency meetings have taken place with urgency and I feel our worries as a family are finally being taken seriously with no judgement. PC Megan Smith is truly a CPA Hero!”

Assistant Chief Constable Mike Walker of North Yorkshire Police added: “We are delighted that Megan’s work has been recognised by PEGS.

“The awards provide an opportunity to shine a light on a side of police work that goes on behind the scenes, but is rarely seen in the public domain.

“Megan has demonstrated compassion, empathy and understanding of a difficult and sensitive situation and ensured the family got the positive help they needed. She is a credit to North Yorkshire Police.”

And the parent who nominated Kerry Smith said she had ‘been there throughout the whole time that our family has been surviving CPA’ including late-night phone calls, helping them to move house, and helping tidy up after property had been damaged in the home by her friend’s son.

“She’s never judged, always supported, and I don’t know what I’d have done without her. She was amazing, calm and strong when I wasn’t. I will never ever be able to thank her for the things she’s knowingly and unknowingly done for us.

“She’s truly inspirational, kind and selfless. No judgement has been made and I know she’ll be there to support us as we rebuild some kind of life.”

Huge congratulations to both winners!

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Grandparents can be abused too.

By Amanda Warburton-Wynn • 03 May, 2024

'Oh, we love having the grandchildren, especially because we can give them back!' How many times have you heard that? But have you heard 'We dread our grandchild coming to visit, we never feel safe until they've gone home'? Child to Parent Abuse is increasingly a topic of research but there is currently no formal definition and, if the consultation carried out by the Home Office in 2023 results in one, it's likely that grandparents won't get a mention in the main title. Of course, the age of grandparents can vary hugely but for those in the older age groups abuse from a child can be hard to understand and even harder to speak about. Whilst in many cases abusive behaviours are not linked to a health or mental health issue, some of the diagnoses involved in some cases of child to parent abuse weren't known until fairly recent times – ADHD was first recognised when mentioned in a National Institution of Clinical Excellence (NICE) report in 2000! Children who we now categorise as being victims of abuse and trauma were often just seen as 'naughty' back in the day and their behaviour needed to be dealt with by punishment. It's essential that we now recognise when children are asking for help – even if that is demonstrated by negative behaviours – but the impact of these behaviours on the whole family needs to be considered. Information Now say that In the past two generations, the number of children being cared for by their grandparents has increased substantially from 33% to 82% - almost two-thirds of all grandparents regularly look after their grandchildren. The UK Government add that 41% of mothers are working full time so it's clear that grandparents are spending more time with their grandchildren than ever before. There are myriad reasons for this including the changing demographics of an ageing population where many grandparents are now more physically active so spending time with grandparents can be more fulfilling than in the past (anyone else remember sitting in silence listening to the adults talk and drink team and hoping it would be time to go home soon?) But for all those positives, abuse of older people is a negative that's featuring more and more in research and in the news. Whilst several studies on both domestic abuse and elder abuse victimisation have reported that adult sons or grandsons, and a smaller proportion of adult daughters or granddaughters, are perpetrators in around half of all abuse against older adults (see Bows et al . 2022), there is little research into abuse by grandchildren who are aged under 18. One reason for this is likely to be the reluctance, by family members, professionals and society as a whole, to label children as 'perpetrators' or 'abusers Parents experiencing abuse from children have told PEGS that the abuse most commonly starts before the age of six and often continues post the child turning 18. It is probable that some children who display abusive behaviours towards parents will also abuse their grandparents but it's possible that some children abuse grandparents only. What is pretty much definite is that grandparents will feel the same emotions as parents if a child is abusing them – shame, guilt, worry about consequences of speaking out and concerned about causing problems within the family, especially if they appear to be the only targets of the abuse. It's also common to look for a reason for the abuse, something that has happened to the child perhaps or something that the grandparent has/hasn't done and to try to rationalise the abuse. As well as more research, there needs to be more recognition from organisations working with older people – statutory and voluntary – that Child to Parent Abuse can and does include children abusing grandparents and those grandparents need support. Abuse from a child is often no less dangerous than abuse from an adult so it shouldn't be laughed off or seen as grandparents not having enough 'control' over their grandchildren. More awareness of the issue, more open discussions and acknowledgement of the impact of this type of abuse will hopefully lead to appropriate support for grandparents who come forward to ask for help, and more of them doing so. Amanda Warburton-Wynn is an independent researcher and consultant specialising in support for domestic abuse and sexual violence survivors with disabilities and older people. You can find out more about Amanda and her work on her website www.awdaconsultancy.com