Christmas is often talked about as a happy, family-focused time. But for parents living with child to parent abuse (CPA), it can be exhausting, stressful, and sometimes unsafe.

At PEGS, we know that parents often feel overwhelmed by the pressure to make Christmas “perfect” while trying to stay safe. Long days at home, busy households, and fewer support services can all make things harder. If this is your reality, please know you are not alone — and what you’re feeling is understandable.

Why Christmas Can Be Harder When CPA Is Present

The festive period brings a lot of change. Homes are busier, routines are disrupted, and expectations increase. For children, young people, and adult children who use abusive behaviours, this can sometimes mean aggression, threats, intimidation, controlling behaviour, or damage to property.

Parents often tell us they feel like they are constantly walking on eggshells to keep the peace, particularly when siblings, adult children, or extended family are around. Many feel anxious about how to manage the day, worrying about what might trigger conflict and whether they can even get through the day safely. That fear and uncertainty can make the festive period feel exhausting and relentless.

Christmas Doesn’t Have to Look Like Everyone Else’s

One of the hardest parts of Christmas when living with CPA is the comparison. Social media, family conversations, and advertising can create the impression that Christmas should look a certain way.

But when abuse is part of family life, Christmas may need to look different — and that is completely okay.

This might mean:

• Keeping the day quieter with fewer expectations
  
  
• Shorter celebrations instead of full-day events
  
  
• Cancelling or changing plans if needed
  
  
• Focusing on safety and managing the day rather than trying to create the “perfect” Christmas
  
  

There is no right way to do Christmas. Protecting yourself and your family comes before traditions, appearances, or what others expect.

Finding Space When Everything Feels Intense

Living with CPA often means feeling constantly on alert. Finding moments of space — physical or emotional — can be vital, especially during the holiday period.

Some parents find it helpful to:

• Step outside, even briefly, to breathe and reset
  
  
• Spend time in a separate room when possible
  
  
• Reach out to a trusted person to message or call
  
  
• Reduce noise, stimulation, or demands within the home
  
  
• Give themselves permission to rest, disengage, or pause
  
  

Creating space doesn’t mean giving up. It means recognising your limits and protecting your wellbeing so you can get through the day safely.

A Trauma-Informed Reminder

Child to Parent Abuse does not stop because it is Christmas. Being frightened, controlled, threatened, or hurt in your own home by your child is not “just behaviour” and is not caused by poor parenting.

Many parents carry deep shame and self-blame, particularly at this time of year. Trauma-informed support recognises that parents are often doing everything they can to survive difficult situations with limited help and understanding. You deserve compassion — from others and from yourself.

Support Still Matters, Even During the Holidays

CPA can feel isolating, and Christmas can amplify that sense of being alone. Support is still available and important, especially when the days feel hardest.

Reaching out doesn’t mean you have failed. It means you are trying to protect yourself, your children, and your family.

This Christmas, we hold space for families whose lives don’t match the festive picture. If you are struggling, feeling unsafe, or simply trying to get through the day, we see you, we believe you, and you are not alone.