Research highlights abuse by adult offspring

Harriet Ernstsons-Evans • Sep 20, 2022

We’re proud to have a range of experts on our board, including Thien Trang Nguyen Phan who has an incredible wealth of knowledge about Child to Parent Abuse.

As part of her doctoral studies, Thien Trang completed a thesis on parents who were being abused by their adult (over 18) children – which is now available to read online.

Please note, the content of the thesis could be triggering so please only read it if you feel able to – it includes many extracts of interviews with mothers detailing their abuse.

Explaining the focus of her research, Thien Trang said over 12 years of professional experience, she had been ‘increasingly troubled by the lack of research, knowledge base, and practice guidance and tools relating to abuse of parents by their adult children’.

This type of abuse had been included in the more general definition of domestic abuse until 2021, and she highlights the fact that most tools (such as DASH and MARAC) are geared towards intimate partner abuse – alongside specialist services being ‘better equipped’ at supporting younger victims.

The research sets out to answer three core questions:

How do mothers articulate their experience of abuse by their adult children?

What factors influence mothers’ help-seeking and access to support?

What does effective support look like for mothers experiencing abuse from their adult children?

It’s worth noting that it wasn’t originally intended to be gender specific, but the 11 parents who came forward to bravely share their experiences with Thien Trang were all mothers, which is why the questions are geared towards female parents.

After sharing some of the abusive behaviours the mothers had detailed in their interviews with her, she goes on to say:

“Beyond the physical and emotional exhaustion, the constant walking on eggshells, and the costs to their health…mothers’ narratives revealed a consuming struggle for meaning in a world turned upside down. This struggle for meaning was deeply embedded in mothers’ experiences of the mother-child relationship.

“Indeed, for mothers, the abuse was not just an attack against them as persons, but fundamentally an attack against this relationship. Because of its unique nature, mothers articulated their experiences of the abuse in a visceral, almost physical way, as an attack against the connectedness and intimacy of the maternal bond. They were subsequently left with a sense of shock and repulsion as they saw their children turn against them and against their maternal bodies.

“Consequently, mothers experienced a triple stigma: the ‘double stigma’ of parenting a problematic child and of being a victim of domestic abuse…was further complicated by their ‘spoiled identities’ as mothers.”

As a result of her research, Thien Trang makes a number of recommendations for change at the end of her thesis. These include that the term ‘child to parent abuse’ should encompass adult offspring too, that professionals should be specifically trained in this type of abuse, that professionals recognise the mother-child relationship when dealing with this type of abuse, and that support should be flexible and take into account the nature of this relationship.

To read the full thesis, simply click here.

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Grandparents can be abused too.

By Amanda Warburton-Wynn • 03 May, 2024

'Oh, we love having the grandchildren, especially because we can give them back!' How many times have you heard that? But have you heard 'We dread our grandchild coming to visit, we never feel safe until they've gone home'? Child to Parent Abuse is increasingly a topic of research but there is currently no formal definition and, if the consultation carried out by the Home Office in 2023 results in one, it's likely that grandparents won't get a mention in the main title. Of course, the age of grandparents can vary hugely but for those in the older age groups abuse from a child can be hard to understand and even harder to speak about. Whilst in many cases abusive behaviours are not linked to a health or mental health issue, some of the diagnoses involved in some cases of child to parent abuse weren't known until fairly recent times – ADHD was first recognised when mentioned in a National Institution of Clinical Excellence (NICE) report in 2000! Children who we now categorise as being victims of abuse and trauma were often just seen as 'naughty' back in the day and their behaviour needed to be dealt with by punishment. It's essential that we now recognise when children are asking for help – even if that is demonstrated by negative behaviours – but the impact of these behaviours on the whole family needs to be considered. Information Now say that In the past two generations, the number of children being cared for by their grandparents has increased substantially from 33% to 82% - almost two-thirds of all grandparents regularly look after their grandchildren. The UK Government add that 41% of mothers are working full time so it's clear that grandparents are spending more time with their grandchildren than ever before. There are myriad reasons for this including the changing demographics of an ageing population where many grandparents are now more physically active so spending time with grandparents can be more fulfilling than in the past (anyone else remember sitting in silence listening to the adults talk and drink team and hoping it would be time to go home soon?) But for all those positives, abuse of older people is a negative that's featuring more and more in research and in the news. Whilst several studies on both domestic abuse and elder abuse victimisation have reported that adult sons or grandsons, and a smaller proportion of adult daughters or granddaughters, are perpetrators in around half of all abuse against older adults (see Bows et al . 2022), there is little research into abuse by grandchildren who are aged under 18. One reason for this is likely to be the reluctance, by family members, professionals and society as a whole, to label children as 'perpetrators' or 'abusers Parents experiencing abuse from children have told PEGS that the abuse most commonly starts before the age of six and often continues post the child turning 18. It is probable that some children who display abusive behaviours towards parents will also abuse their grandparents but it's possible that some children abuse grandparents only. What is pretty much definite is that grandparents will feel the same emotions as parents if a child is abusing them – shame, guilt, worry about consequences of speaking out and concerned about causing problems within the family, especially if they appear to be the only targets of the abuse. It's also common to look for a reason for the abuse, something that has happened to the child perhaps or something that the grandparent has/hasn't done and to try to rationalise the abuse. As well as more research, there needs to be more recognition from organisations working with older people – statutory and voluntary – that Child to Parent Abuse can and does include children abusing grandparents and those grandparents need support. Abuse from a child is often no less dangerous than abuse from an adult so it shouldn't be laughed off or seen as grandparents not having enough 'control' over their grandchildren. More awareness of the issue, more open discussions and acknowledgement of the impact of this type of abuse will hopefully lead to appropriate support for grandparents who come forward to ask for help, and more of them doing so. Amanda Warburton-Wynn is an independent researcher and consultant specialising in support for domestic abuse and sexual violence survivors with disabilities and older people. You can find out more about Amanda and her work on her website www.awdaconsultancy.com