Grandparents can be abused too

'Oh, we love having the grandchildren, especially because we can give them back!'

How many times have you heard that?

But have you heard 'We dread our grandchild coming to visit, we never feel safe until they've gone home'?

Child to Parent Abuse is increasingly a topic of research but there is currently no formal definition and, if the consultation carried out by the Home Office in 2023 results in one, it's likely that grandparents won't get a mention in the main title.

Of course, the age of grandparents can vary hugely but for those in the older age groups abuse from a child can be hard to understand and even harder to speak about. Whilst in many cases abusive behaviours are not linked to a health or mental health issue, some of the diagnoses involved in some cases of child to parent abuse weren't known until fairly recent times – ADHD was first recognised when mentioned in a National Institution of Clinical Excellence (NICE) report in 2000! Children who we now categorise as being victims of abuse and trauma were often just seen as 'naughty' back in the day and their behaviour needed to be dealt with by punishment. It's essential that we now recognise when children are asking for help – even if that is demonstrated by negative behaviours – but the impact of these behaviours on the whole family needs to be considered.

Information Now say that In the past two generations, the number of children being cared for by their grandparents has increased substantially from 33% to 82% - almost two-thirds of all grandparents regularly look after their grandchildren. The UK Government add that 41% of mothers are working full time so it's clear that grandparents are spending more time with their grandchildren than ever before. There are myriad reasons for this including the changing demographics of an ageing population where many grandparents are now more physically active so spending time with grandparents can be more fulfilling than in the past (anyone else remember sitting in silence listening to the adults talk and drink team and hoping it would be time to go home soon?)

But for all those positives, abuse of older people is a negative that's featuring more and more in research and in the news. Whilst several studies on both domestic abuse and elder abuse victimisation have reported that adult sons or grandsons, and a smaller proportion of adult daughters or granddaughters, are perpetrators in around half of all abuse against older adults (see Bows et al. 2022), there is little research into abuse by grandchildren who are aged under 18. One reason for this is likely to be the reluctance, by family members, professionals and society as a whole, to label children as 'perpetrators' or 'abusers

Parents experiencing abuse from children have told PEGS that the abuse most commonly starts before the age of six and often continues post the child turning 18. It is probable that some children who display abusive behaviours towards parents will also abuse their grandparents but it's possible that some children abuse grandparents only. What is pretty much definite is that grandparents will feel the same emotions as parents if a child is abusing them – shame, guilt, worry about consequences of speaking out and concerned about causing problems within the family, especially if they appear to be the only targets of the abuse. It's also common to look for a reason for the abuse, something that has happened to the child perhaps or something that the grandparent has/hasn't done and to try to rationalise the abuse.

As well as more research, there needs to be more recognition from organisations working with older people – statutory and voluntary – that Child to Parent Abuse can and does include children abusing grandparents and those grandparents need support. Abuse from a child is often no less dangerous than abuse from an adult so it shouldn't be laughed off or seen as grandparents not having enough 'control' over their grandchildren. More awareness of the issue, more open discussions and acknowledgement of the impact of this type of abuse will hopefully lead to appropriate support for grandparents who come forward to ask for help, and more of them doing so.

Amanda Warburton-Wynn is an independent researcher and consultant specialising in support for domestic abuse and sexual violence survivors with disabilities and older people. You can find out more about Amanda and her work on her website www.awdaconsultancy.com

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Founding Director, Michelle, has been awarded an MBE in the Kings Birthday Honours for Family Support and Advocacy.

By PEGS Admin • June 15, 2026

Child to Parent Abuse organisation founder awarded MBE The founder of a social enterprise which has supported thousands of parents impacted by abusive behaviours from their children has been awarded an MBE. Michelle John, originally from Pembrokeshire in Wales but now based in Shropshire, was among the names announced for the prestigious accolade in the King’s Birthday Honours List this year. In 2020, Michelle set up not-for-profit organisation PEGS with the aim of supporting parents and carers, training professionals, influencing local and national policy, and raising awareness of Child to Parent Abuse – which is thought to affect up to one in ten households in the UK. Since then, she has grown a team of experts who have trained police, social workers, teachers and many other professionals to better recognise the signs of CPA, support parents, and signpost to specialist organisations. In addition, Michelle set up a range of parent-focused initiatives including daily practitioner-led online sessions, a Facebook peer support group which now has 3,300 members, and one-to-one offerings for those at highest risk. PEGS launched a CPA Covenant for employers in partnership with the Department for Work and Pensions, only the fourth such covenant to be backed by the Government, and Michelle has advised everyone from the Home Office to Channel 4 and the BBC on CPA – the latter for storyline on Hollyoaks and EastEnders. Her work has seen CPA covered by journalists across television news programmes, national newspapers and magazine, and regional press and radio, and she’s received numerous awards both in the UK and internationally. Michelle, whose MBE was awarded for Family Support and Advocacy, said: “This honour is also shared with the parents who have trusted me along the way: they drive me, inspire me and I will always stand with them. “I feel proud, privileged and very grateful – and I’d like to thank everyone who has supported me and PEGS along the way. There is much more to come for PEGS, and we will continue to work every day for the parents and carers who have been or continue to be impacted by CPA. “There is so much to reflect on from the journey of the last six years, and there have been many highlights and challenges along the way. I am sure there will be many more in the future – although being told I’d received an MBE will always remain a truly incredible moment that I’ll remember forever!” For more information about us, visit www.pegsupport.co.uk or search for 'PEGS' on social media!