Grandparents can be abused too

'Oh, we love having the grandchildren, especially because we can give them back!'

How many times have you heard that?

But have you heard 'We dread our grandchild coming to visit, we never feel safe until they've gone home'?

Child to Parent Abuse is increasingly a topic of research but there is currently no formal definition and, if the consultation carried out by the Home Office in 2023 results in one, it's likely that grandparents won't get a mention in the main title.

Of course, the age of grandparents can vary hugely but for those in the older age groups abuse from a child can be hard to understand and even harder to speak about. Whilst in many cases abusive behaviours are not linked to a health or mental health issue, some of the diagnoses involved in some cases of child to parent abuse weren't known until fairly recent times – ADHD was first recognised when mentioned in a National Institution of Clinical Excellence (NICE) report in 2000! Children who we now categorise as being victims of abuse and trauma were often just seen as 'naughty' back in the day and their behaviour needed to be dealt with by punishment. It's essential that we now recognise when children are asking for help – even if that is demonstrated by negative behaviours – but the impact of these behaviours on the whole family needs to be considered.

Information Now say that In the past two generations, the number of children being cared for by their grandparents has increased substantially from 33% to 82% - almost two-thirds of all grandparents regularly look after their grandchildren. The UK Government add that 41% of mothers are working full time so it's clear that grandparents are spending more time with their grandchildren than ever before. There are myriad reasons for this including the changing demographics of an ageing population where many grandparents are now more physically active so spending time with grandparents can be more fulfilling than in the past (anyone else remember sitting in silence listening to the adults talk and drink team and hoping it would be time to go home soon?)

But for all those positives, abuse of older people is a negative that's featuring more and more in research and in the news. Whilst several studies on both domestic abuse and elder abuse victimisation have reported that adult sons or grandsons, and a smaller proportion of adult daughters or granddaughters, are perpetrators in around half of all abuse against older adults (see Bows et al. 2022), there is little research into abuse by grandchildren who are aged under 18. One reason for this is likely to be the reluctance, by family members, professionals and society as a whole, to label children as 'perpetrators' or 'abusers

Parents experiencing abuse from children have told PEGS that the abuse most commonly starts before the age of six and often continues post the child turning 18. It is probable that some children who display abusive behaviours towards parents will also abuse their grandparents but it's possible that some children abuse grandparents only. What is pretty much definite is that grandparents will feel the same emotions as parents if a child is abusing them – shame, guilt, worry about consequences of speaking out and concerned about causing problems within the family, especially if they appear to be the only targets of the abuse. It's also common to look for a reason for the abuse, something that has happened to the child perhaps or something that the grandparent has/hasn't done and to try to rationalise the abuse.

As well as more research, there needs to be more recognition from organisations working with older people – statutory and voluntary – that Child to Parent Abuse can and does include children abusing grandparents and those grandparents need support. Abuse from a child is often no less dangerous than abuse from an adult so it shouldn't be laughed off or seen as grandparents not having enough 'control' over their grandchildren. More awareness of the issue, more open discussions and acknowledgement of the impact of this type of abuse will hopefully lead to appropriate support for grandparents who come forward to ask for help, and more of them doing so.

Amanda Warburton-Wynn is an independent researcher and consultant specialising in support for domestic abuse and sexual violence survivors with disabilities and older people. You can find out more about Amanda and her work on her website www.awdaconsultancy.com

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Allen Lane Foundation Supports New Workshop Lead Role to Expand Support for Parents

By PEGS Admin • March 18, 2026

We are thrilled to announce that the Allen Lane Foundation has generously funded a new Workshop Lead role to coordinate and deliver online workshops for parents and carers affected by Child-to-Parent Abuse (CPA) over the next 12 months. Parents and carers affected by CPA are often isolated, unsupported, and unsure where to turn. Our 2024 survey shows that 96% of parents feel isolated, 94% stressed, 92% scared, and 100% report an impact on emotional wellbeing. Over 70% have had to reduce or leave work. With demand for support rising to over 450 referrals per month and a 116% increase in November 2025 there is an urgent need for structured, accessible help. Expanding Online Workshops and 1:1 Support The new Workshop Lead will deliver a weekly online workshop for up to 15 participants, covering practical and emotional wellbeing topics such as stress management, goal-setting, and specialist techniques like Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT). Alongside the weekly sessions, the project will also run: Bi-monthly two-part specialist workshops Monthly wellbeing workshops By taking the lead on workshop delivery, the Workshop Lead will free up our practitioner team to provide more personalised one-to-one support to high-risk parents, reaching an additional estimated 50 parents in need. Over 12 months, we anticipate that over 200 parents will benefit directly from group workshops, gaining tools to manage risk, improve emotional wellbeing, reduce stress, and build confidence. The workshops will also create a safe space for peer connection, helping to reduce isolation and foster resilience. Measuring Impact We will track success through attendance figures, participant feedback, and pre- and post-workshop surveys to capture changes in confidence, coping strategies, and wellbeing. Practitioners will also monitor the effect of increased one-to-one support to ensure parents feel safer, supported, and better able to manage their situation. Michelle John, our founding director, says: "Allen Lane Foundation’s continued support enables us to reach more parents and provide the practical guidance and personal support they urgently need. This Workshop Lead role will make a real difference, helping parents feel safer, more confident, and connected, while allowing our practitioners to provide targeted one-to-one support where it’s needed most." We are incredibly grateful to the Allen Lane Foundation for their ongoing belief in our work. This funding allows us to expand our online support, reach more parents, and provide both group and personalised assistance for those affected by CPA.