Domestic abuse reporting doesn't reflect CPA rise
Harriet Ernstsons-Evans • July 11, 2021
The number of domestic abuse incidents reported has dropped in Shropshire and Telford & Wrekin
where PEGS HQ is based.
However, this isn’t cause for celebration given it’s known domestic abuse has actually increased during the multiple lockdowns resulting from the Coronavirus pandemic.
More incidents and fewer reports is sad news all round, and it’s also concerning when we think about specific Child to Parent Abuse
cases.
Founding Director Michelle John explains: “Child to Parent Abuse isn’t specifically categorised by all police forces so it’s not currently possible to track overall patterns in CPA reporting.
“We know CPA has always been under-reported and with the general dip in domestic abuse reporting during the pandemic, it’s a real concern that experts are having to make educated guesses about the prevalence of CPA.
“At PEGS, we’d like to see relevant incidents categorised as CPA so all police forces can look at patterns over time and respond accordingly. Of course, the other side of this is encouraging parents
to disclose (either to police or to other professionals
such as social care teams or their GP) so that we can get a more accurate picture of the scale of CPA. It’s believed it’s increased by around 70% over lockdown but of course we can never be entirely sure.”
There are multiple barriers to parents, carers and guardians feeling able to talk to a professional when they are experiencing CPA. That’s why PEGS not only works with families, but also with organisations such as police forces and local authorities to ensure they are trained
on how to respond to CPA.
Michelle adds: “It’s only by debunking myths around CPA and ensuring professionals respond appropriately and effectively to situations that we can begin to encourage more parents to come forward and talk about their situation. We don’t want any family to feel trapped or isolated by what’s going on in their home, we need to make CPA a topic that can be discussed – and we need to ensure reported incidents are categorised to build up a better idea of exactly how many families are impacted.”
Please email hello@pegsupport.com
if you're a parent who needs support, or a professional who'd like to find out more about training.
This Months Service Shoutout: Hub of Hope
When Words Hurt – Facing Verbal Abuse from Your Child There are few things more emotionally painful than hearing cruel, dismissive or demeaning words from your own child. Whether they’re still under your roof or are well into adulthood, being spoken to in a verbally abusive way by the very person you raised with love and care can leave parents feeling confused, heartbroken and alone. It's not something we often talk about openly. Parents may fear being judged or blamed or they may question whether their experience is even valid. But verbal abuse from a child whether they’re 14 or 40 - is real and it matters. If you’ve found yourself on the receiving end of shouting, insults, blame or emotional manipulation from your child, this space is for you. You are not alone. Verbal abuse can take many forms and not all of them are loud or obvious. Some common examples include: Repeated criticism or personal attacks Name-calling, sarcasm or mockery Shouting or aggressive tone Gaslighting or manipulation (“You’re imagining it” / “You always make it about you”) Blame-shifting and emotional guilt trips Intimidating silence or threats These behaviours, especially when ongoing, can leave emotional bruises that are hard to explain to others or even to ourselves. For many parents, the verbal abuse doesn’t start all at once. It might begin as eye-rolling, snide remarks or even sudden mood swings. But over time, those moments become more frequent, more intense, more targeted. The home no longer feels like a place of peace. Interactions start to feel unsafe. “She speaks to me like I’m her enemy. I raised her with love, but now I feel like nothing I do is ever right in her eyes” -Mum to a 17-year-old daughter “I dread phone calls from my adult son. He rings only to shout and unload on me. I hang up shaking every single time” -Dad of a 33-year-old son “My teenager calls me names I wouldn't repeat in front of anyone. It’s like living with someone who hates me,I feel ashamed saying that” - Parent of a 15-year-old “I never thought I’d have to protect myself emotionally from my own child. But here I am trying to keep my boundaries and stay sane” - Mum to a 28-year-old daughter These words reflect a growing reality for many families... a reality that often gets hidden behind closed doors. When verbal abuse comes from a stranger it’s unpleasant. When it comes from your own child , the one you’ve fed, cared for, worried over, and loved unconditionally - it can feel like a betrayal. Parents often experience a mix of emotions: Shock and disbelief – “How did it get to this?” Shame – “Am I the only one dealing with this?” Guilt – “What did I do wrong?” Fear or anxiety – Dreading the next conversation or interaction Loneliness – Feeling unable to share the experience without judgement You may also feel torn between wanting to keep the connection and needing to protect your emotional wellbeing. It’s often assumed that once children reach adulthood, their relationship with their parents will naturally shift into one of mutual respect. But this isn’t always the case. Some adult children continue (or begin) to speak to their parents in ways that are controlling, hurtful or emotionally volatile. These interactions may be laced with some kind of resentment, blame for past decisions or expectations of endless emotional or financial support. In these situations, many parents struggle with a sense of powerlessness. After all, you can’t “ground” a 30-year-old. But your emotional safety still matters and it’s okay to acknowledge when something isn’t right. You can love your child deeply and still feel the pain of being treated unkindly. You can want healing and still need space. You can seek support without shame. Even in the face of verbal abuse, your worth as a parent does not diminish. You are still deserving of respect, of peace and of a life where you’re not walking on eggshells in your own home or heart. If your child is speaking to you in ways that hurt. If you feel exhausted, blamed or disrespected, you are not overreacting. If you find yourself dreading their calls or presence, you are not alone. You can love your child and still take care of yourself. You are worthy of respect. You are allowed to feel safe. And you are not alone.
South Asian Heritage Month
