When we talk about child-to-parent abuse (CPA) many people immediately think of shouting, threats or physical abuse. One of the most common forms of abuse we see at PEGS is emotional abuse.

Over the past five years we’ve listened to thousands of parents, carers and guardians who have bravely shared how emotional abuse has impacted their mental health, self worth and sense of safety in their own homes.

It can be silent and incredibly isolating - making many parents question if it’s really happening or asking themselves “ is this my fault “. 

So what do we mean by emotional abuse?

In the context of CPA, emotional abuse is when words, silence, manipulation or threats to control, inflict fear or cause psychological impact to a parental figure.

This can look like:

• Constant criticism or belittling
  
  
• Blaming parents for everything that goes wrong
  
  
• Withholding affection or giving the “silent treatment”
  
  
• Gaslighting or denying behaviours
  
  
• Threatening to inflict abuse/harm on themselves or others as a form of control
  
  
• Making a parent feel guilty for anything they do, this could be using tone of voice, body language and the choice of words to help control and manipulate certain situations
  
  
• Using personal or sensitive information to manipulate
  
  

Parents often describe feeling as though they’re walking on eggshells or tip toeing around, even when they are at home.

Parents might fear saying the wrong thing or even avoid conversations altogether, withdrawing from social occasions and anything in general. Many find themselves apologising for things they haven’t done - all in an attempt to feel comfortable and safe.

Emotional abuse can lead to:

• Anxiety or depression
  
  
• Difficulty sleeping or eating
  
  
• Constant feelings of guilt or shame
  
  
• Social withdrawal and isolation
  
  
• Questioning your own parenting, identity or judgement
  
  
• Feeling like you’re “losing yourself”
  
  

Unlike physical abuse, emotional abuse leaves no visible marks, but the impact can be just as lasting. 

And just as real.

From one of our recent surveys, we found that:

• 100% of respondents say their emotional wellbeing has been negatively impacted.

• 94% feel stressed.

• 96% feel isolated.

• 80% have had friends or family cut ties because of their situation.

Emotional abuse is part of each and every form of abuse.

You are not alone, and none of this is your fault.

If you're unsure whether what you’re experiencing is emotional abuse or if you simply need a safe space to talk about it, we’re here.

Also, there are also some fantastic organisations who have great resources and ways to support you if you’re experiencing emotional abuse.

1.Samaritans

Website: www.samaritans.org

Free 24/7 Helpline: 116 123

Samaritans offer a safe, confidential space to talk about anything you’re going through -  emotional abuse included. You don’t have to be in crisis to reach out.

2.Respect – Men’s Advice Line

Website: www.mensadviceline.org.uk

Free Helpline (Mon–Fri, 10am–8pm): 0808 801 0327

Respect provides free, confidential support for men experiencing emotional or other forms of domestic abuse, including from partners or family members.

3. Victim Support

Website: www.victimsupport.org.uk

Free 24/7 Supportline: 0808 1689 111


Victim Support offers emotional and practical help for anyone affected by crime or abuse whether or not it’s been reported to the police. They have local teams across the UK and also offer live chat and self-referral.